7 Vital Characteristics of a Man (BLOG #3)

Often I think about, what makes me a man?  Sometimes I look in the mirror giving myself all kinds of credit for things that I shouldn’t even be gloating or taking the credit for. All that I am is who I was raised to be.  I’m very outspoken (maybe a bit too much), I’m a bit of a comedian (because my mother was a very fun and funny lady), I’m a leader and an advocate for what I beleive in (I don’t always make the best decisions but I make my own decisions), I work hard (because that’s all I saw my dad do as a kid), and I’m God-fearing (because he’s awesome and there is no other explaination needed)! Anyway, I just wanted to take some time out today to share with all of my fellow dreamers what I deem are characteristics of a man. Gotta run ladies and gents…it’s lunch time for me, and my chicken wings and Texas Pete hot sauce awaits.  Godspeed…

1. Physical

Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even. –Muhammad Ali

Whether competing for food, fighting hand to hand, or challenging each other in the sporting arena, mastery of one’s own physical abilities is an important part of being a man. The most primitive, yet still one of the most prominent traits, a man’s physical capability affects everything from self-preservation to mating preferences. The health and virility of a male make him an appealing candidate for partnership with the opposite sex, while his strength and stature still prove to be influential factors in both the social and business world.

2. Functional

“Happy the man who, like Ulysses, has made a fine voyage, or has won the Golden Fleece, and then returns, experienced and knowledgeable, to spend the rest of his life among his family!” — Joachim du Bellay

Throughout time, a man’s ability and desire to provide for those that depend on him has been central to his masculinity. While utilizing a combination of physical ability, wit, savvy and ambition to succeed, his role as the breadwinner is what drives a man to achieve. No matter the geographic location or social situation, men work primarily to feed and create an environment of comfort for their wife and family. This is the commonly accepted role of the man within the social system and proves a formidable challenge that every man must accept.

3. Sexual

“I have always thought that every woman should marry, and no man.” — Benjamin Disraeli

When it comes to partnership, the man is perceived to be the less affected of the genders. Traditionally, it has been more acceptable for a man to remain a bachelor later in life compared to a woman. The desire for independence and freedom from the command of others is typically a masculine trait.

A man’s role as the aggressor in finding a mate is frequently recognized in most cultures, leaving him to seek out and pursue his interest. Although this sounds like an archaic and primeval practice, it is still a very large part of the courting process in modern society. In fact, this image of man’s independence has become so accepted, and even glorified in mainstream culture, that married men often feel compelled to follow this independence still. So, before marrying, ensure that you recognize the challenges that will come your way no matter what, and that you both have a firm commitment to make it last.

4. Emotional

“Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions.” –David Borenstein

The denial of ones emotions is ingrained in men from a very early age. The phrase “boys don’t cry” about sums it up. Whatever his position, a man must manage without regard to the emotional effect that issues have on him. The ability to suppress personal feelings enables men to maintain an objective view of the circumstance and carry on. A man is then able to make rational decisions whether in a situation as small as an interpersonal debate or as catastrophic as a bloody battlefield. That said, it is necessary and healthy for men to have someone that they can confide in – a mentor, a brother, a friend – and let the old guard down once in awhile so that stress isn’t bottled up to the point of exploding.

5. Intellectual

“To me, being an intellectual doesn’t mean knowing about intellectual issues; it means taking pleasure in them.” –Chinua Achebe

Men are seen to rely on their intellectual capabilities rather than on emotion or intuition. Utilization of reason and logic enable men to view situations objectively and thus respond to them in a rational way. Only factual information is considered, while “feelings” are deemed unsuitable evidence on which to base decisions. Education and the acquisition of knowledge are viewed as important factors in male development

6. Interpersonal

“A true man hates no one.” –Napoleon Bonaparte

In interpersonal relationships, men are prone to adopt leadership roles and take the initiative to act on the other’s behalf. This can manifest itself negatively in the form of dominant behavior, by suppressing the will of others in the name of self-interest. However, this leadership can also be utilitarian. It is highly effective in the family model, as the father is able to establish order in the household. Giving direction and acting as a disciplinarian are common functions of men as a result.

7. Other

“The most successful men in the end are those whose success is the result of steady accretion… It is the man who carefully advances step by step, with his mind becoming wider and wider – and progressively better able to grasp any theme or situation – persevering in what he knows to be practical, and concentrating his thought upon it, who is bound to succeed in the greatest degree.” –Alexander Graham Bell

Among some of the other characteristics commonly attributed to men are ambition, pride, honor, competitiveness and a sense of adventure. These are not necessarily the attributes possessed by the perfect man. Rather, they are displayed to varying degrees, in one way or another, in most all men. They may reveal themselves differently from man to man, as one may use his power and influence for selfish interests, while another will strive for the greater good. Each man must assess his own strengths and weaknesses and find the best use for his vital characteristics.

Signing Off,

Lloyd W. Sutton

lws

Why Aren’t More Men Leading Powerful, Transformed Lives? (BLOG #2)

Well, it has been a while since I have had the time or urge to sit down and write what I’ve been feeling.  Honestly, I just felt the need to work, and act out of my words rather than sit around like most of my colleagues and run my mouth via video or written blog.  I am not really into this crap.  I personally get tired of reading and listening to a bunch of mumbo jumbo from people who haven’t been through anything to tell someone else how to get out of anything.  Besides many of them would never lift a finger or say a word if the cameras were not rolling or they were not selling an album or a movie.  I could care less about who knows of my good works but God.  In this day and age, we just don’t need change, we need big bold transformations of the mind.  We are falling further and further behind the eight ball.  More men want to be followers rather than leaders.  Following all the latest trends; we’re caught up in the fads of society.  Now I’m not saying that my life is all that grand and I’m doing all I can.  On the other hand, I am staying in my lane and working my boulevard via life experience.  Hell no, prison wasn’t fun nor do I accept the street credit that comes with it.  I was not raise in the hood, and I did not sell crack cocaine.  I’m an asshole at times, but I’m not a thug by any means.  Yes my father was around and yes he was a hell of a leader.  No, we do not have all that good of a relationship these days but I still give him my utmost respect.  If I did not take anything else from my heritage and childhood teachings I took this, BE A LEADER.  Titles don’t impress me, money don’t impress me, cars and houses are easy purchases.  And celebrity images, like Chad Ochocinco would say, “child please”! You have to be ignorant as hell to be an adult still buying into that horseshit.  All these public figures saying ‘stay in school’, ‘don’t do drugs’ on camera, and in print ads isn’t changing anything at all.  Image is one thing but reality is another.  It sounds good for the moment but again it is only to sell product.  That will not keep the male dominated prison systems, unemployed market, homosexual up rise down.  Good behavior isn’t “sustainable” unless it comes out of the overflow of a changed, or transformed, heart.  We must show and prove; from there the rest will take care of itself.

Unsustainable Change

When you look around today, do you see many men leading powerful lives transformed?  There are some inspiring exceptions, but for the most part we don’t.  Most men lead tepid, lukewarm, defeated lives.

If I asked you, “Why aren’t more men leading powerful, transformed lives?”  What would you say? I would say because guys like to “fix things,” our answers gravitate to a list of things a man “ought” to do.  You know the list, and you can no doubt add to it.

• § You ought to be in a small group. What kind of group?!?!?!?
• § You ought to read your Bible more.  After I do that, then what?!?!?!?
• § You ought to be in an accountability group.  I say, for what?!?!?
• § You ought to be in church.  Church is just a building.  Nothing more.
• § You ought to go on a mission trip.  Nope.
• § You ought to work at the homeless shelter.  They just want a roof and food.  Nothing more.
• § You ought to stop smoking. What is that gonna solve?!?!?!?
• § You ought to stop drinking wine.  Everybody drinks wine.  That’s the smallest past of the problem.
• § You ought to not look at pornography.  Stop watching porn?!?!?!!  Child Please!!
• § You ought to be more humble.  Now that’s a start but it takes much more than that.

I can say without hesitation that while these may be great ideas, they just don’t work by themselves.  Telling men what they ought or need to “fix” about themselves is not powerful enough to bring about true transformation.  Many of us get the impression that if we just do the “right things” then they will be okay.  Oh, this may work for a while—even for a few years but it will not last forever.  You can shame men or challenge men to live “better” for a time, but that lacks transformative power.  Eventually the man who relies on his own desire or effort to live up to his potential will fail.  It is unsustainable.  Unless a man is drawn to his disciplines and good deeds by a compelling desire to love, know, and be responsible for his private sector as well as the communal, he will always burn out and fall away.  It is an iron law.

Clearing Up Men’s Confusion

Men, and especially younger men, have become one of our largest neglected people groups.  Men are confused about what it means to be a man, much less a man of great faith and honor.  How did we get so confused?  I could go biblical here, which after going to church for 8 days a week for 19 years, I’m sure I could delve into the word, lol.  But…well…maybe I should a little…and just a little for real…(religious jargon just isn’t my thing)

Many say we as men are running the wrong race (Galatians 5:7).  As a result, we have conformed to the values and customs of this world (Romans 12:2).  As a result, we are being held hostage by hollow and deceptive philosophy (Colossians 2:8).  That yeast has worked its way through the whole batch of dough (Galatians 5:9).  As a result, we have exchanged truth for a lie (Romans 1:25).  And now it has become a crisis.   Okay, enough of the biblical references.  I just wanted to show you all that I could take it there if I so wanted to, lol.  But how do we clear up this confusion?

Some men really just don’t know how to live their lives.  Many of us don’t have the knowledge to grasp what it means to evolve into leaders, to stop following trends but to set the trends, we must learn to lead.  I’m a freethinker.  I don’t watch much tv, don’t really listen to the radio much…don’t gossip to others and don’t allow others to gossip to me.  I only take out trash, I don’t bring it in. I speak my mind, and mind what I speak…let me explain.  It’s simple, if I put my mind to it, you can almost believe I’m going to get it done, somehow, someway.

For others, they already know what they need to do; that is not the problem.  Our problem is that we lack power to do what we already know we should do.  The problem is that we do not fully embrace our authority, furthermore, know the influence and power that we have over our girlfriends, wives, children, and our community.  MEN we are some powerful creatures.

So why aren’t more men leading powerful, transformed lives?

First, “We Must Understand What Our Purpose Is As Men.” One of the most practical things we can do is disciple men to understand who and what we are.  The core reason men are so confused is that they have never been discipled how to be men, husbands, and fathers.  Let me again give my father his just due.  I speak in my new book, ‘CONVICTED BUT NOT CONVINCED: From Bars to Ballads’ openly about my grievances and our fall outs as father and son, but my dads’ upside was his unyielding leadership ability.  He was a beast at teaching and showing that he would stand in the gap for his wife, his children and others when needed.  And while I don’t have either or at this point in my life.  I’m working my ass off to rid my past criminal image and give my unborn children a great example of what a man should be and creating a platform for them to stand upon.  After all, who else is going to make sure they prosper.

For most part, young men don’t have a good “picture” of the ideal man in their mind.  It is far too common nowadays to see women raising boys alone.  However, I am a firm believer that a woman cannot show a boy how to be a man.  She can do her best to give what she is able to give, but it is our job to show and prove our value.  To teach by way of our actions young boys how to be good men.

Anyway, I have to go my friends…I’m about to eat some hot wings covered in Texas Pete hot sauce and drink some sugary tea that I just fixed.  Yall,  I used a half of a bag of sugar for this pitcher of tea.  But anyhow, high blood pressure is another whole conversation…

A great opportunity stands before the male community like an elephant in the living room.  This is our moment.  The cause is great!  The stakes are high!  The battle is fiercely contested!  We must not fail!

Although they are still too young to know, my nephews and even my unborn children are counting on me to get this right!

Signing Off,

Lloyd W. Sutton

lws